The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
