is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
