if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize