Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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