I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
