He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Too much gin, very little bucket
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
