Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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