its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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