You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize