Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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