God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
