LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
