laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
