I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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