I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
