hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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