Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
