There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
