Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
