my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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