awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
