I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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