My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
