I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
