i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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