I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
