Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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