hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
