It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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