hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
