There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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