I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
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It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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