My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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