So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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