he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
