you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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