Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
