there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
