could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
