god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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