I hate your face
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
