I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
