I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
