So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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