it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
