And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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