May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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