she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
