She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
