Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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