Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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