Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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