I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
