oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
