Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
