what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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