doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
