At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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