I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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